I was going to do something tonight, but I didn't. Instead I decided to go see a movie. I was going to see Team America, but I didn't. Instead I went back home and watched Mona Lisa Smile on Comcast On Demand. Why did I pick that one? It was one I hadn't seen before and the actresses were worth watching. Julia Roberts, Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst, Juliet Stevenson, Maggie Gyllenhaal and a bunch of other HOT women stared in this movie. I can see the person casting the parts: hmm, I can't decide on who is the hottest actress in Hollywood, let's just cast them all. It worked, because I watched it.

Plot? Yes. Unlike some of the other movies I watch this one had a plot. Julia Roberts takes a job teaching art history 100 in a woman's college in the 50s. The students are really smart, so Julia is intimidated at first. Then she gets to know the students and character development ensues and the plot gets pushed along. Then they were at a dance where a big band was playing and a female was singing. I said, "Wait, she sounds familiar. No, it can't be! Wait, of course it is. It HAS to be." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, none other than Tori Amos. Incredible! Not only do they get the hottest actresses, but they also get the sexiest singer alive today. And some other stuff happened in the movie, then they rolled the credits.

What did I think? I usually don't write reviews on movies I see outside of the theater, but here I am. Most of the movies I watch involving women's colleges aren't exactly the most intelligent movies and there seem to be a lot more shower scenes than in Mona Lisa Smile. I really thought this was a great movie and I was touched (in a way different from those other movies). I even learned (was reminded about) something important when teaching people stuff.

Should you see it? Yes. But it's a chick flick, so be for-warned.

If you haven't seen it you should drop everything and go watch it right now. If you have seen it then you realize that you should drop everything and see it again. Right now.

Just remember to go to the bathroom first, because it is 3 hours 20 minutes worth of greatness. We went to a 7 showing and the 3:30 showing hadn't let out yet. That was plain weird.

Big Fish is Burton's new movie. The basic plot is about stories a father told his son. The stories were about life events in both the father's and the son's life. It was an ok idea, but I didn't think it was a very impressive movie. The movie was slow and boring. The father should have told a story about the time he was a pirate and beat up 26 ninjas using only one finger on his left hand. That would have made the movie move a little in the middle, which is definitely what it needed. I say don't spend any money on this movie: wait until a friend rents it and invites you over to watch it.

corlando and I finally got to the theater to see The Last Samuri. We've been trying to see if for about three years now, but something always has come up to thwart our plans.

The movie was really good. I realized that this was a good movie when the ninjas and the samuri were fighting each other. The only thing that could have made the sequence better is if a bunch of pirates joined in the fray. Aside from the battle scenes there was also a plot and probably some morals or life lessons. These things did not take away from the movie, they actually made it more enjoyable.

Once again I was not impressed with the theater patrons. In a post earlier I wrote about sending people to the Moon. Three of the people there made that list tonight. The one that walked out twenty minutes before the movie was over and shouted something stupid made the list of people I want to send up there without space suits. Twit.

It was a good movie and worth seeing. Unless you are a hippy. [Not that there is anything wrong with being a hippy. Lots of my friends are hippies and I totally respect that life choice. I just don't think hippies are the target audience for this movie.]

Two of my co-workers met me at the mall to see Timeline. This is a movie based on the book by Michael Criton. I really enjoyed the book, and the movie looked like it would be good. The basic plot is time travel. Some people go back in time to a battle between the French and the English. They get captured lots of times, escape and run around killing people. They were trying to go back to rescue an old guy, but ended up kinda changing history. The plot isn't really important, because this was an action movie. If you want to understand the plot then read the book (even though from what I remember the movie was real close to the book).

I really liked this movie. It passed the shivers test. This is a test I give to action movies. If there is a part where I get shivers up and down my spine, then it passes. There were a few places that I got the shivers, so this passed the test a few times over. Timeline had all the required things and action movie has to have: hot girls, explosions, heroic guys, fights, explosions, passionate and noble love, more explosions and some explosions. I almost think that a movie consisting only of stuff blowing up would be one of the best action movies ever. Anyway, this movie had all the above plus something else: flaming arrows. They've been used in other movies (Robin Hood comes to mind), but they don't loose any of their effect. There is nothing cooler in a knight fight than a bunch of flaming arrows raining from the sky. That just kicks major butt.

I do have one grip with the movie (and the book for that matter). The battle was the french vs the English. In this story the french are the good guys. I kept waiting for the time travelers to turn around and beat the crap out of the french, just because they were french. But it didn't happen.

All in all it was a good movie and worth seeing in the theater.

The first movie of the day was Bad Santa. The plot is something like this: Billy Bob Thorton and a midget are dressing like Santa and an elf to get jobs in the mall during Christmas time. They rob the mall safes after working there a little while. To make things funny, Billy Bob is a lush. Eventually Billy Bob finds a home with some stupid kid that gets beat up all the time. The kid probably deserves getting beat up, but that isn't what the movie was about. It was about Billy Bob finding inner peace or something like that. I just know that kids sneezed in his face, he was beligerant and he peed himself.

A lot of the jokes were crude, but they were funny. My favorite scene was when they were teaching the stupid kid how to box. He was such a wimp. Anyway, everyone got hit in the balls and ended up on the ground in agony. This scene reminded me of a conversation I had with yet another one of my co-workers. We were talking about the difference in when a woman got hit in say the boobs and a guy gets hit in the balls. When the woman gets hit everyone cringes and says it is a crime against humanity that she was hit there. When a guy gets hit everyone laughs. Shoot, I'm smiling right now. As a guy I have to say that this is just plain wrong. Funny, but wrong.

The movie was good, but not worth seeing in the theater. Get a group of friends together, rent it and have a beer while watching it. Unless you are underage or don't drink.

I want a new job. I want to be the guy that edits all the boring stuff out of Russel Crowe movies. Apparently the guy that used to do that job is now dead. It was a great 1.5 hour movie that lasted 2.5 hours. It was also just your typical action movie with no real outstanding performances by anyone. The last battle was ok but predictable. The ending was cheeky. And they played a cello piece that is divine (I've heard it before, but I don't know what it is).

The movie theater patrons were also lacking. Here is a hint: if you fall asleep and start snoring loud enough that I hear you on the other side of the theater, then the movie is probably not for you and you should go home. Or to hell. Just don't stay in the theater and annoy the rest of us me. Also, a baby that is a few months old probably shouldn't be going to the theater. Big surprise when the kid didn't like the darkness or the loud movie effects. Funny how a movie about naval warfare would have cannons making sudden loud noises. I was weary of the 5 year olds that came it, but they behaved great.

Since this movie wasn't all that I'll review another movie that was on one of the movie channels last night. Kissing Jessica Stein. This is a movie about a straight girl that answers a personal ad from a gay girl. They hook up and become a lesbian couple, but Jessica is still straight (or bi, or whatever). Anyway the movie was pretty good. Even if you took out the lesbianism it would still be worth watching. It was clever and intelligent and I enjoyed the movie.

On a personal note, action movies are starting to bore me while relationship type movies are starting to be a lot more interesting to me.

I went to see the Matrix last night with corlando. We both had similar reactions. The first two hours were great, but the last twenty minutes blew. The ending was real disappointing to both of us. corlando came up with a great alternative ending that almost made me pee myself. He should start an online journal and tell everyone about it.

Samurai women are fun to watch

A friend and I went to watch Kill Bill tonight. In case you don't know, this is Tarentino's fourth movie. Yes, it was as wack (if not more so) as his other movies. Hot women with samurai swords running around violently killing each other. The premise alone is enough to get most guys out to see it.

I won't give out any secrets, or anything that I think will make the movie less interesting to watch. So this review is going to be kinda weak. I'll just say that I thought the first parts of the movie was not very good. It was just violence for violence sake. It was also pretty gory and didn't add to the plot in my opinion. The last parts of the movie were great. They made sitting through the first parts well worth it. It was still violent and gory, but an entertaining type. Yes, I realize that last sentence was messed up, but it was the best way for me to express myself.

There was a scene in the movie that really struck me when I saw it. I thought it was interesting that my friend commented a similar feeling about it on the ride home. The scene was of a garden in the snow. It was a really beautiful thing to see. And the sword fight that ensued didn't diminish the elegance of the garden. Some day later in life I'm going to have to get me a garden like that. With hot women. Sword fights optional.

We got the chance to see a Matrix commercial. That movie is going to kick major butt. I think it comes out Nov 5, which seems to be a Wend. I'm guessing that has something to do with making records at the box office. Anywho, I'm excited about that movie. Real excited.

There was another movie coming out who's name i forgot. I also don't know the name of the main character, but it is the star from Zoolander. That movie looked good, but I don't know if it looked $6.75 good.

Usually I don't review movies I watch on cable, but this is different. Step Into Liquid is a documentary about surfing. These guys and gals are awesome and crazy.

Plot: You should be surfing right now instead of whatever you are doing.

What I thought: I want to go surfing right now, but my bathtub isn't big enough and I don't have a board. I've been thinking about surfing and skydiving a lot the last few months. I think I'm gonna do one of them in the next few months. Anyone want in?

Should you see it? Yes, yes, yes.