Today a few of us when to see Saw. But one of the guys was too obtuse, so the weight was thrown off. Get it? See Saw, see-saw... I'm a riot. I was told Saw is a great movie and rivals Se7en is freakiness. So naturally I wanted to see it with my other twisted and demented friends.

Plot: There is this guy who goes around getting people to kill themselves. He sets up situations where the person has to make a choice. Something like, cut off your foot or die. Everyone who's seen the trailer knows thats what the saws are for, so there's no surprise there. Some cops are chasing the guys around and some people die and the credits roll. Oh wait, there is a freaky doll riding a tricycle, and that was pretty cool.

What I thought: Let's look at who this guys chooses. He picks people like drug addicts, suicidal people, and people who have dark secrets that they feel really guilty about. My opinion is he isn't really setting the bar really high for himself. One time I talked a drunk friend into having another beer. I don't think I qualify for criminal mastermind for that.

How it compares to Se7en. It doesn't so people should just stop it right now. Just like Deep Blue Sea didn't compare to Jaws. (I didn't link to Jaws because everyone knows what that is.) Saw is a good movie, and it has a good website, but it isn't Se7en.

Should you see it? Yes, turn off all the lights in your house and go see the midnight show. Then when you get home keep the lights off, but take a flashlight and stick it under your chin so it shines on your face. Then go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and say, "Candyman" three times.

A clue for the clueless: I see this in movies a lot. Someone stronger than you is going to kill you, so you surprise them and get the gun. You tell them to sit down and not move. They sit down, but start inching closer to you. You say, "Stay still." or something like that. They get within striking distance. Now is the time for you to pop a cap in their leg or shoulder. Nothing fatal, but enough to make them not want to do anything but be in pain. So many movies could end about thirty minutes earlier if actors would do that.

Steve's wife is out of town so the two of us decided to shoot some pool and catch a movie. A few of us are going to Saw tomorrow, so that pretty much just left The Grudge for tonight.

Plot (maybe some spoilage): This Japanese chick falls for an American guy. He doesn't know she exists, but her husband isn't too keen on the potential relationship. The husband kills the wife and maybe a kid, then commits suicide. The American dude finds out and jumps out a window. He dies, because the window wasn't a ground floor window. Side note: the American was 51 and his wife is 31, go him. So there is a haunted house, which the Japanese sell to an American family (story takes place in Japan). The American family dies, and takes a few social workers with them. Sarah Michelle Geller (who needs a shorter name) is a social worker that doesn't die. Instead she get haunted by the ghosts. Some stuff happens and there is a hint of fire and before you know it the credits are rolling.

What I thought: About half way through the movie I remembered that my girl Sarah is a vampire slayer. She sure didn't show any of her abilities in this movie. She just walked around and got haunted while people died around her. What she should have done was put a stake in the eyes of that little cat kid, then another stake in the forehead of that Japanese woman who died. Then call up that red head who went to band camp in American Pie for a little late night naked-girl-crisco-twister-fun. THAT would be a movie worth paying $9 to see.

Should you see it? Umm, if you want to get a little spooked. Leave a few lights on at home if you live by yourself. If you have freaky dolls lying around downstairs, you might want to think about hiding them, or at least make it so they aren't looking at the front door with his head cocked a little to the side. That might really freak you out and make you jump into a kung-fu defense posture right when you open the door. Theoretically of course. And maybe I'll turn the lights out tomorrow, but we'll see how Saw goes.

Earlier tonight sberman and I went to see the theatrical masterpiece Aliens Vs Predator. We went to the secret theater that doesn't seem to be a secret anymore. They have a deal where it only costs $4 if you go in between 4 and 6. Score. Score big time. I'm happy to say the audience was decent. No cell phones, and only a few five year olders (but they behaved).

Here's the plot (with a lot of spoilers): A temple is found under Antarctica. Some rich guy puts a team together to exploit whatever is down there. The team (including the rich guy) goes down to the temple. There is an alien mother down there who lays a bunch of eggs. The team gets the shaft and start getting killed by the aliens. All the while the temple is changing configurations (the walls move around and stuff like that). Three predators come over, but the humans have their guns (found in the temple). We find out that once every hundred years the aliens are released for the predators to hunt. The humans are pretty much used as 'cattle'. This just happened to be the year. So everyone on the human team gets killed by either the predators or the aliens. Except one woman. All the predators get killed by the aliens. Except one predator. The woman and the predator team up and kick alien butt. The mother alien kills the last predator, but the woman kills the alien. There was also an explosion, but I'm not going back to say where it happened. Then a bunch of predators come out of no where and give the woman a cool weapon (which probably would have been nice to have when she was actually fighting the aliens instead of after they were all dead). Roll credits, the end.

What I thought: It was pretty much what I expected. Total awesomeness. Not since the classic Freddy Vs Jason has a movie like this been made. I would have liked a few more fight scenes and less plot, but whatever. I'm still convinced that a movie consisting of nothing except explosions would be great, but this wasn't that movie.

Should you see it? Yes, but don't get mad at me if you don't like it, because you probably aren't going to like it. Unless you are corlando, then you will LOVE it.

I saw the trend. The Sixth Sense was awesome, Unbreakable sucked, and Signs was kinda stupid. It didn't look good for The Village. I actually really wanted to see it until I found out it was the same guy that did the other movies, then I had zero desire to see it.

Then jesabaseeba saw it and said it was really good. She has good taste so I got thinking that maybe I should go see it. Then she said she'd see it again and that convinced me that she wasn't just trying to get me to help the economy, but that the movie was actually worth seeing. So Sat night the two of us went to see it.

First we went to the theater in the Mills, but they were sold out. So we went to a secret theater (I'm not gonna tell you where it is). We were twenty minutes late so we ended up running into the lobby. Jes went up to the ticket booth and said, "Two student tickets." The ticket agent looked at her like she was blond. I reminded Jes that she actually had to say what movie we wanted to see. Derr. Our timing was perfect. We got in right as the previews were ending and the movie was starting.

So here's the basic plot: I'm not saying nothing about this movie. I'll mess up and give something away. Go see it yourself. I will say the actress who plays the main character is awesome. The character she plays is also awesome. Those two facts combined makes for awesomeness squared. As opposed to that last sentence, which was geekiness cubed.

Should you see it? Yes. It was good, even worth the money to see it in the theater. Mad shout to to Jessie for getting me to see it.

Hah! I finally figured out how to spell it. Last night jesabaseeba and I went to see The (new) Man Can.

Here is the basic plot: WAR!!!!! Some people are having dreams about the war. Denzel takes a shower, then trys to eat one of his war buddies. Insanity ensues. A few people die, but the kayaker doesn't get hit by the train. There is some politics going around, a little incest, and assassinations. Then the credits roll (as if they didn't show enough of them at the start of the film).

Since we had just seen the original Man Can last weekend we had the basic idea what was happening. There were a few differences (lack of drunkenness, no snake bite leading to removal of a certain blouse, and no marriage proposals), but the overall plot was the same. They did change the ending enough to make it worth seeing.

How did I like it? I thought it was ok/good. I liked it better than the original, because it was in color. I liked a few things more out of the original, but I'm not going to tell you what they are. I think I'm going to allow the two to ferment in my brain until I've got one version that I really like. I might also add a few scenes they only alluded to, like when the guy got a flat tire and needed a ride to Germany to pick up a few monkeys.

Should you see it? Yes. Unless you are getting sick of conspiracy movies, then perhaps you should see something different like Catwoman. Me-OWW!

Last night my parents made me spend quality time with them. Luckily it was at a movie theater where I didn't really have to talk or interact with them at all. I just had to show up.

Assuming you know the plot of the first movie the second movie goes something like this: Bourne kicks butt. He was like just chillin in this one place, then something happened. Next it was like PSHT! What was that? Oh, Bourne just opened a can of Whoop-Ass Classic. Car crash, bang, bang, jump on a boat. Oh, by the way, when he talks to you on the phone you shouldn't stand next to the window. PSHT! He's going back for seconds like an Ethiopian at an all you can eat buffet. More bang, bang, car crash, etc...

So how did I like it? I wasn't that impressed. Actually, I was a little disappointed. I found my mind wandering during a few of the action scenes, because I was a little bored. The plot wasn't very significant. One thing that really vexed me was the cameraman during the action scenes. You could tell he was a wuss because his hands started shaking whenever something cool was happening. He should have been sedated.

How did my parents like it? I think they both liked it. We also ran into some family friends. The friends also liked the movie. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for an action film. Maybe I'm wrong in not enjoying the movie and the other four are right. No, I don't think that is the case. After all, I am the epitome of evolution. One happy thing about the movie is that no one got called on their cell phone. This is the second movie I went to where the audience behaved (the first was last night at F911).

Should you see the movie? Not in the theater. It definitely wasn't worth the $9 my parents paid for my ticket. Wait for DVD or HBO.

This review is dedicated to , because although we totally disagree about Bush we still respect each other and are friends.

Last night jesabaseeba and I went to see F 9/11. I think everyone knows the general gist of the movie. If you don't here is a recap: Michael Moore doesn't like Bush, so he made a movie showing Bush in a not so favorable light. Bush responded by playing golf. The movie is pretty much a political commercial for the non-Republicans.

There is something that is bothering me about the movie. I can't decide if Moore is the second coming of Christ, or just a powerful prophet come to enlighten us of the evils of money, war and 'power'. Either way he makes good movies. Most of the stuff in the movie was stuff that I'd heard about before hand, but seeing the way it was put together just made me shake my head and want to cry. [note: I didn't cry because I'm a man and I was in public with jesabaseeba]

Two images from the movie stuck out in my mind. The first was the beheading in Saudi Arabia. That was just bad stuff. The second image was of Bush in the Florida classroom during 9/11. After he was told about the attacks he just sat there and continued listening to the kids. I'm all for putting children first in most cases. This wasn't one of them.

One of my long term questions was answered in the movie. I always wondered how much it would cost to own a sitting President. I figured you could have a Senator for a few hundred thousand, maybe a few million. A House of Reps person probably costs less than a meal at Boston Market, because they are about as useful as a bag of bricks to a drowning man. But how much does a President cost? If I won the lottery would I be able to afford one? If what the movie said was true (I have to take it with a little skepticism), then a sitting President costs more than a billion dollars. That's good news for the Saudis, but bad news for me. Especially since I just checked and found out I didn't win last night.

The whole Saudi influence in America thing didn't sit well with me last night. America isn't the great nation of hope and power. We are just another piece in the world puzzle. My current belief is that America doesn't want peace or equality. More money and power can be gained with chaos and struggle. The class system also requires turmoil to sustain itself. I wonder what people would be willing to sacrifice for peace. Would the average American be willing to take a 20 percent salary hit to help end genocide in the Sudan? Would we be willing to give up the little things we love like cable and playstation in order to save the life of a suspected terrorist?

"We protest the war, but support the troops." I don't fully support the troops. I realize that the military is the best solution for a lot of people and it provides them with a lot more opportunities than being unemployed or a drug dealer. I realize that a lot of the military doesn't want to be in Iraq and they think the war is stupid. I also realize that they signed up for the military knowing there was a possibility they could have to kill people. And I realize that joining the military isn't the only way out of unemployment and poverty. They willingly became part of the American Death Machine. I don't think it is fair to put full blame of a war on the politicians. The soldiers participate in a big way and have to take some personal responsibility for participating.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. I didn't vote last election, because the line was too long. If I did vote I would have voted for Bush (to spite Tipper). I was pro-war/anti-France when we went to Iraq. I'm still anti-France, but I don't think war was a good solution. Yeah, I'll chalk this up to another case where I was wrong.

I don't think America is Utopia, but I do think it is a great country full of great people. I also don't think the politicians and military are the only ones who need to take responsibility for war and strife. I'm part of the system, so part of the burden is mine.

The burning question for me is what can I do to help make things better? Will I vote this year? Yes, and I'll probably vote for Kerry. It isn't because I like the guy, it's because I want Bush out. I don't think that is a great reason for voting for someone. I wish you could cast a negative vote. Instead of voting for Kerry, I would rather vote against Bush and nullify a pro-Bush vote.

Should you see the movie? I don't care anymore, so I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. There were some pretty disturbing images and this ain't Hollywood. I have no way of knowing how much of the arguments against Bush is fact, how much is slant, and how much is creative editing. It does create a big picture that is pretty scary but worth seeing (if its true).

After the movie jesabaseeba and I went home for some comfort food: ice-cream and b-day cake. We ended up talking for a while about lots of stuff and having a pleasant time. I'm glad I saw the movie with her instead of seeing by myself.

Last night I went to see Troy with my lifting partner. When we got there we ran into darkangel451 and one of her friends. That was pretty cool, even if one of the people had issues with eating her candy quietly.

Let me tell you about the plot. No, nevermind. You should know the plot. The movie was based on one of Homer's epics, which every American should have been introduced to in high school. If you aren't American or didn't go to high school then you should have already taken it upon yourself to become educated in general knowledge. Lets get with the program people.

Now lets talk about how accurate the movie was to the book. I haven't got the slightest idea, because I wasn't paying attention the semester we studied Homer. Here is the way the movie plot went. There is this chick who starts sleeping around with this dude. The husband get pissed and gathers his peeps to set things off. War ensues. People die. More people die. Other people answer their cell phones WHICH THEY DIDN'T TURN OFF. Brad Pitt gets nekkid. Yet more people die. Movie ends.

Let me just say this about Brad Pitt. That dude is one smooth operator. There was one point in the movie where this girl is in his tent at night. She has a knife to his throat and is getting ready to kill him. Ten seconds later the two are having sex. BP is a playa, hardcore.

Should you see the movie? No, not in the theater. I wasn't that impressed. Wait for it to come out on DVD and rent it. Mitigating factors that would make you want to see it in the theater: a few decent fight scenes and/or Brad Pitt getting nekkid.

$8.75? $8.75, and the freakin movie projector isn't working?!? Damn straight you better hook us up with a free movie ticket!

Last night e_nizzy and I went to Annapolis Mall to see Van Helsing. It started out being an awful night. The ticket was $8.75 and they didn't give student discounts. When the previews started the video was all messed up. They were trying out a new digital projector, and it didn't work. The movie ended up starting 30 minutes late and we had to watch the previews twice. The crowd was getting a little rowdy so naturally I thought about starting a riot. We figured it would be neat to have some of the theater chairs arranged stadium style in my living room. But they gave us a free pass to see another movie, so I was ok with it and didn't start anything.

True to form someone had their cell phone on and got a call during the movie. This makes four in a row for me. They didn't have a conversation (that I could hear).

Oh yeah, the movie. It was good if you are interested in that sort of thing. There was Frankenstein (and his monster), wolfmen, and vampires. I have decided that if I'm ever killed by an undead creature I want it to be one of Dracula's wives. Holly crap! Or maybe that should be Unholy crap! Either way those girls were hot.

My only complaint with the movie is that there was some down time kinda near the middle. I think they were trying to develop the plot, or something silly like that. They should have replaced that part of the movie with monkeys throwing sticks of dynamite at giant spider robots. Or the vampire women belly dancing (with a band of monkeys playing in the back ground).

Should you see this movie? Not for $8.75. You shouldn't want to see a doctor for $8.75, even if you just got attacked by a monkey riding a giant spider robot. Go to the Mills, use your student ID and see Van Helsing for $6ish. That would be worth it. Save your money for when I make a movie about spiders attacking giant monkey robots with bottle rockets.

Here's the plot: comic book becomes movie, family dies, man is tormented and seeks not revenge but punishment, lots of people die, a few big explosions, credits roll, the end.

What makes this movie any different than all the other comic book movies? One kick-ass T-shirt. And man does it rock. Who in thier right mind would mess with anyone who wears a T-shirt of a skull type thing. Especially when that person is also shooting arrows through his enimies and blowing cars up in a pattern that matches the skull on his T-shirt. That's just impressive on multiple levels.

The other cool thing about this movie was one of the hit men that got sent to off the Punisher. He was from Memphis, so he brought a guitar with him. One morning when the Punisher was eating breakfast in a dinner the hitman came in and sang a song. The song was about the Punisher and how the hit man was going to kill him. The thing that impressed me was the way the hitman held his cigarrette in his right hand between the pinky and ring finger while he was playing guitar. If I ever become a hitman from Memphis I'm gonna do everything just like this guy did. Except getting killed by the guy I'm supposed to kill. I'll do that part different.

Should you see this movie? No, wait until it comes out on DVD and rent it. The T-shirt is cool, but not that cool.

Side note: suprise, surprise. Someone in the theater had a cell phone and was too cool to turn it off. The guy was sitting right next to me this time. His conversations lasted only long enough to tell the other person he'd call them back. I wonder if he could see the hatred and rage in my eyes as I stared at him when he was on the phone. I like to think so.

Today corlando and I went to see Kill Bill vol 2. The first one was pretty good, but I thought part of it was a little too violent. The second one dealt less with action and more with plot. That was probably a good idea. We learned lots of good stuff like the truth about the wedding massacre, the training of Uma, how that other girl lost her eye and the relationship of Uma to Bill. Don't get me wrong, there was still some violence, so it wasn't some lovey-dovey chick flick.

I really liked it until the last fight, the one between Uma and Bill. I found that incredible disappointing. What makes it even more disappointing was that it was the last fight, so it is the one that stays in my head. That Terrintino fellow should be slapped for that.

I did really like the soundtrack. It was kinda weird, but fitting and pretty cool. I don't plan to buy it because I think it was only cool being played with the movie. I'm not even going to try to talk any of my friends into buying it so I can burn a copy.

Should you see it? Yeah. Uma is incredibly hot, and there are swords.

Should you see it at Muvico in Arundle Mills Malls? Nope. Apparently it is ok to talk on your phone in that theater. This is the second movie that and I have seen where someone has held a conversation while watching the movie. I want a device that jams cell phones for a 40 yard radius. Either that or shocks people when they try to talk on them.

Here is the story. In WW2 some Nazis and Rasputin try to turn the tide of the war by opening a portal between Earth and some other dimension. The Allies thwart the plan with a few grenades and end up 'adopting' a child Hellboy. The demon grows up and becomes a fighter for good, saving the ignorant plebeian human race from other-world evils. All while keeping a low profile in the public's eye. Some new FBI agent comes to work with Hellboy. Rasputin and a dead Nazi work at trying to open the portal between that other world and Earth. They are trying to bring forth the Apocalypse. Do they succeed or does Hellboy rise victoriously above both his inner demons as well as the other-world demons? You'll just have to watch the movie yourself.

It was weak. Even by my standards. And I'm not just saying that because Liz and Hellboy hook up at the end. I harbor no jealousy towards that giant red ape. The fact that he is fire proof and she is fire-full has no effect on this review what-so-ever.

Some of the characters were kinda cool. Like that Nazi that had sword billy-club-stick-thingies. I also like the fact that Rasputin was in it. That automatically gives the movie props. Said props were removed by that fish freak Abe Sapien. A one-eyed Brownie Scout with leprosy could kick his ass. The fight scenes were weak. The ending was a Men in Black rip-off.

Should you see the movie? No, contemplate the similarities and differences between Utilitarianism and Kantian ethics instead. Let me clue you in just in case you are an idiot and wonder about how it ends. The portal doesn't get opened, Hellboy gets a chance at self reflection and Liz's clothes don't disintegrate when she uses her fire powers (that's a plot hole if I've ever seen one).

[edit]

I forgot to mention my dislike for other people in the theater. At the beginning of the movie there is always a stupid short about turning you cell phones off. Not just the ringer, but the entire thing. Some monkey spent a decent amount of time talking on his phone. It wasn't in that hushed, "I'm in a movie" voice. It was just a straight out conversation. Actually, it was multiple conversations. I was thinking about yelling something at him, but I couldn't see who it was so I didn't know if he was bigger than me or not. corlando said it was a big guy with his pose. We saw the pricks coming out of the theater and it was probably good I didn't start anything. At best I could have only taken one of the guys and two of the hos, leaving too many for corlando. Not that I'm advocating violence. I just wish that guy didn't have a tongue. Or air in his lungs. Either would have made me happy.

[edit]

Here is my The Passion review. Originally I really wanted to see it, because it was a religious movie and I like most of Mel's works. Then as it came real close to being released I heard it was really violent and gory, so I decided maybe I didn't really want to see it. Then it came out and everyone and their grandmother went to go see it. Everyone said it was really moving and very accurate, but really violent. So I decided I didn't really want to see it. Then the sunday school teachers at my church decided to take the youth to see it. Since I'm one of the youth counselors I decided that I would go see it with them. So today we went to see it. I agree that it was really moving and pretty accurate from the Bible. I didn't feel it to be spiritual at all. It was a snuff film and I didn't find it entertaining or enlightening or uplifting or anything good. I think the fact that it was the story of Jesus didn't add to the way it moved me. Watching any innocent person being tortured and crucified is moving.

I'm glad the teachers set up the event and got all of us to see it. I don't think I would have seen it on my own. Should you see it? You have to make that decision on your own.