His son had crept up behind another monkey and began bludging him with a stick.

“Bobby! Quit acting like a damned human!”, Joey screamed at his son.

The monkey-boy looked up and realized he had been caught doing something disgraceful. He dropped the stick and sulked away to the other side of the clearing. Joey though, “When is that boy going to grow up and get right? It just isn’t natural to hit another monkey in the head with a stick. Someone could get hurt. Next thing you know he’s gonna want to wear clothes. Zambuka help me!”

The troop of monkeys had finished foraging and were now about to take their second afternoon nap. Earlier that year the elders had decided to migrate the troop further into the jungle. The humans were causing problems again and they wanted to stay as far away as possible. They had made thier way to this spot where the jungle met a small clearing. On the other side of the clearing was a steep cliff. The troop decided to eat and rest here before going down the cliff.

***

Joey heard something big walking on the jungle floor below him. He was still half asleep when the smell hit him. There were humans down there. He smelled the mixture of fear and bravado on the humans. He also smelled the sickening scent of death. These were the humans that were able to kill from a distance with those funny looking sticks. Joey was afraid of these humans. Unfortunately the humans were directly underneath the troop pf monkeys. There was no sense in raising the alarm and trying to run. He decided he would stay where he was and let the humans pass. Hopefully none of the other monkeys would wake up and this wouldn’t be a big deal.

Out of the corner of his eye Joey say a small nut fly out of a tree towards one of the four humans. There was a definite arc to the nut’s flight, it hadn’t just fallen. Joey tried to trace the flight path to its origin, but he couldn’t see around the trunk of the tree he was in. He didn’t want to move for fear of making himself a target for the humans.

“Please don’t hit anyone.” Joey closed his eyes and began to pray.

The four humans were walking side by side with about ten feet in between them. One had just turned his head to say something to his neighbor when the nut flew over his shoulder and smashed into his lower jaw. The human froze. His friend made a short whistling sound while diving to the ground. In an instance all four men were laying on the ground facing the trees where the monkeys were hidden.

Joey heard the commotion. He slowly lifted one eyelid while continuing his prayers. The men were hard to make out, but he could tell where all four were. They were looking right at the trees.

Joey told himself, “Humans have bad vision, so maybe they won’t see us up here.”

The second nut was going towards the humans when it hit a tree with a loud *CLUNK*. The humans zeroed in on the sound but didn’t fire any shots. They were waiting for a clear target. A third nut hit the same tree. It was if the nut thrower couldn’t get a clear line on the humans. Joey stayed frozen. All of the other monkeys he could see were still asleep and he wanted to keep it that way. If Joey raised the alarm there would no doubt be trouble. The humans would definitely shoot at the troop as they tried to flee the scene.

After a few minutes of nothing the humans began talking to each other in low voices. Joey couldn’t understand what they were saying, because they were too far away and he was a monkey. He thought it sounded like they were getting bored and ready to leave. That’s what he hoped it sounded like.

As the people were talking Joey heard another sound coming from the tree next to his. Someone was moving towards his trees and the humans. Joey was afraid that another monkey had waken up and didn’t realize the situation. The tree noise was getting louder and suddenly a monkey jumped from behind the leaves and landed on the branch above Joey. It was Bobby and his hand was full of tree nuts.

Joey whispered to his son, “What are you doing?”

“I’m just having a little fun with these naked apes.”

“Don’t do it. They’ll kill you if they see us!”

Bobby just smiled and fingered another nut. He told his father, “You should lighten up. Its just a little nut. Besides, the humans are stupid and slow. We own this jungle. They can’t touch us from down there.”

Joey could feel the veins pop in his head. Bobby saw his father tighten up his facial muscles. The forth nut hit Joey on the forehead just as the humans were standing up. Joey screamed in rage and lunged at his son. Nuts nothing, Joey was going to throw Bobby at the humans.

Immediately the other monkeys were awake. The humans fell back to the ground and began shooting the trees where the scream had come from. Bobby dropped all the nuts and tried to get away from his father. Joey was too quick. He made it to Bobby and wrapped one of his giant arms around the boy. In another leap they were on the other side of the tree, away from the human’s bullets.

Bobby was screaming in Joey’s ear. Joey didn’t care. He slammed the boy down in the nook of a branch and began slapping him on the top of his head. The slaps were part of raising a young monkey. It didn’t really hurt that much, but it was a way for an elder to discipline a child. It was also a good way for Joey to release frustration that they boy had caused.

Joey continued to slap his son’s head as the gun fire died off. Bobby had quit screaming and was now quit and submissive. The only sounds in the jungle were the sounds of Joey’s bare hand hitting Bobby’s empty head. The other monkeys had fled and it looked like they had all gotten away without incidence.

Bobby looked up into his father’s eyes and asked, “How are we going to get out of here?”

“We aren’t. We need to stay still and quit. The humans will loose interest and leave.”

“I’m scared.” Bobby confessed.

“You should be. What were you thinking? Do you want to get us all killed? Those nuts…” Joey’s voice just died off.

Bobby thought his father was too mad at him to talk. Then he realized that his dad’s ears were flicking around as if he were trying to hear something. Bobby didn’t want to say anything so he gentle tugged on his father’s chest hairs and used his eyes to question what was going on.

Joey looked down at his scared son and gently said, “Shhh. I can hear something else. It sounds like a Jeep. That is the only thing I envy the humans — the Jeep. But what’s it doing out here I wonder?”

The Jeep noise got louder and soon the humans could hear it to. They seemed to be frightened by the sound and as it grew louder they hid behind trees and in the underbrush. After everyone was hidden the Jeep pulled up and stopped near the edge of the cliff. Joey and Bobby were now stuck between the two groups of humans.

****** 2 ******

Antonio stepped out of the back of the Jeep. They had just heard gunfire a few minutes ago and he was positive that it came from where he was standing. If there were rebels in the area he wanted a chance to capture them. That would definitely give him the edge for the promotion he was up for. He tried to scan the jungle but the underbrush was pretty thick. He figured he could use the dense brush to his advantage. Anyone trying to go through it would be slowed down and easy to track. He only needed to find a small clue to get things going.

“Maybe they jumped off the cliff.” the driver suggested.

“Maybe you should shut your fucking hole and let me work.” was Antonio’s reply.

The driver cursed under his breath, then went back to staring into the jungle. Antonio sure could be a dick some times.

Antonio knew someone was out there and they were close. He had called in for backup, but he wanted to catch or kill whoever was out there before anyone else showed up. He didn’t want to have to share this glory.

After spending a few minutes looking in the brush Antonio slowly walked towards the cliff. It was worth checking out, but he hated going there because the driver had mentioned it. He got to the edge and looked down. Nobody was going down there.

Frustrated, Antonio climbed back into the Jeep and told the driver to pull up a little. There was no use just standing there and hoping the rebels would come to them.

***

Joey saw the human get back into the Jeep. The other humans were just beside the clearing, sneaking up on the Jeep. Joey knew that the four humans would kill the humans in the Jeep. Joey was afraid that the four humans would come after him and Bobby once they finished with the Jeep humans. Joey picked up one of the nuts and lobbed it at the Jeep.

***

The Jeep’s windshield shattered into a spider’s web. Antonio though the rebels had shot the driver. He jumped out of the Jeep and dove to the ground. Suddenly there was gunfire coming from the other side of the Jeep. A bullet grazed the ground next to Antonio. He could hear more bullets hitting the side of the vehicle.

With a loud growl, the Jeep sprang forward. The driver thought that Antonio had been hit by the rebels and was now dead in the grass. He didn’t feel like joining Antonio in the afterworld just yet. The driver slammed the accelerator to the floor and got out of there as fast as he could. With the windshield shattered the driver couldn’t see where he was going. He drove directly into a tree. The force of the accident tossed the driver out of the Jeep and over the edge of the cliff.

With the Jeep out of the way Antonio was able to see where the gunfire was coming from. There were four rebels at the edge of the clearing. Three of them were shooting at the Jeep, the fourth was aiming at Antonio.

Antonio’s training kicked in. There was no fear of the rebel pointing his gun at him. Antonio raised his own gun and pulled the trigger. Antonio felt the familiar jerk of the rifle. He saw his enemies head turn to a red puff. Direct hit.

The other three were still shooting at the Jeep. They were also yelling victory shouts. Antonio aimed at the neck of the one on the left. He gently pulled the trigger. That rebel’s yell turned into a gurgled scream as the bullet sliced through his throat. The rebel fell to the ground drowning in his own blood.

The two rebels saw their friend go down. Each of them dove to the ground and started shooting in Antonio’s direction. One took cover behind a massive tree, while the other hid behind a fallen branch. The bullets were being shot in random patterns. Antonio knew that neither rebel could see him. Antonio rolled a few feet to his left and was able to see a leg sticking out from behind the tree trunk. Antonio pulled his trigger and the rebel’s knee exploded. When the screaming rebel fell backwards Antonio finished the job with three shots to his chest.

There was only one rebel left. He had quit shooting and Antonio wasn’t sure if he had repositioned himself or if he was still behind the fallen branch.

“Come out and I won’t shoot you.” Antonio yelled. Even if the rebel didn’t surrender Antonio hoped that he would be stupid enough to give away his position by shouting a reply.

“Fuck you!”

And now Antonio knew the rebel was still behind the branch. The idiot had missed a perfect opportunity to reposition himself for a kill shot. Antonio wouldn’t be that foolish. He didn’t want to kill the guy. It would look a lot better if he took him in for interrogation.

Antonio shot the branch to try to shake the guy up a little.

“Okay. Stop shooting. I give up. Just stop shooting.”

Antonio smiled as he thought, Bingo. Promotion here I come. He yelled to the rebel, “Throw your gun over the branch and slowly stand up.”

The gun came over the branch. “Okay. I’m getting up. Don’t shoot me.” The rebel slowly started to stand up, but there was something awkward about the way he was moving.

“Let me see your hands! I can’t see your right hand.”

The rebel was half crouched. His right hand was resting behind the branch out of Antonio’s sight.

“Let me see your damned hands or I’ll shoot!” Antonio zeroed his gun on the rebels left eye. The two made eye contact and Antonio saw the nervous insanity in the rebel’s eyes. Antonio was about to yell one last time when the rebel pulled his right arm back and flung a small object at Antonio.

The gun went off. The rebel tried to jerk to the right after throwing the object. Antonio watched the bullet catch the rebel’s left ear. A stream of blood shot into the air. The rebel screamed in pain. The rebel reached up to grab the side of his head. Antonio put a bullet straight into his left eye. The rebel fell dead to the ground.

Antonio heard a thunk directly beside him. It was what the rebel had thrown. Antonio looked next to him and saw a grenade. He tried to get away, but there just wasn’t enough time. Antonio followed the rebels to the afterlife.

***** 3 *****

Joey and Bobby had watched the entire battle from up in the tree. Once everything had quieted down Joey placed a heavy hand on his son’s shoulder. “Stay here. I need to go down and look things over. Don’t leave the tree until I come back. And for Zambuka’s sake, no nuts.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know the humans were like that.” Bobby said as he started to cry. Joey hugged his son, then headed down the tree to make sure everything was safe.

When he got to the ground Joey wasted no time as went straight to the closest human. This was the last rebel to die. Joey looked him over and made sure he was dead. He checked out the other rebels. Everyone had died bloody deaths. Joey was sad that his son had witnessed the carnage. Maybe in a day or two they would be able to sit down and talk about what had happened. Right now Joey needed to check out a theory he had.

Joey had paid close attention to the fight. He was really curious about the guns. He knew that is how the humans had killed each other, but he didn’t know how to make them work. If he could figure out how to project death he would be able to protect himself and his troop from most of the jungle’s dangers.

Laying beside the dead rebel was the gun. Joey picked it up by the butt. He wanted to swing it and hit the ground, but he hadn’t seen any of the humans do that. What they had done was point the gun towards their enemy, made a loud sound and the enemy died. Joey pointed the gun at a rebel and yelled. A few birds jumped from the trees and flew away. Maybe it didn’t do anything because the rebel was already dead. But that didn’t make sense because the gun did damage to trees and rocks before. There was something Joey was missing. Joey pointed the gun at a tree and yelled. Nothing. And that definitely didn’t sound like the humans when they yelled with the gun.

Joey carried the gun to another rebel body. He pointed his gun at the body and yelled while jumping up and down. Still nothing. In frustration Joey hit the rebel in the foot with the gun. He had used a club before on a baby seal, so he knew that wasn’t how a gun was supposed to work. He hit the body a few more times then threw the gun out into the brush.

Joey accepted defeat and sat down next to the rebel’s body. Damned humans and their damned secrets. Joey reached for this rebel’s gun to throw it out of his sight. He grabbed the gun in the middle but the rebel was still holding onto it making it impossible to throw. Joey yanked again. The gun went off. Joey screamed in terror and ran up the closest tree.

A few trees over Joey could see his son. “I’m alright,” he shouted “stay where you are.” The boy was shaking, but he did what his father told him to do.

Joey went back down to the ground and slowly approached the rebel and his gun. He noticed that the rebel had a finger stuck in a ring on part of the gun. Maybe that’s what made it go off. Joey cautiously removed the rebel’s finger from the gun. He slid his own finger over the trigger. When he pulled his finger back the gun went off again. Joey screamed and tried to run for the tree again, but his finger was stuck in the gun. He tried to jerk the gun to the ground, but that just made it go off again. Hearing this shot made Joey freeze. He needed to calm down. He was causing the gun to go off. If he calmed down he would be able to figure things out. He closed his eyes and breathed a few times. He made a mental picture of a sea of bananas.

When he opened his eyes back up he took note of what was happening. His finger was stuck in the gun. When he pulled his finger back the gun went off. He also noticed that the rock the gun was pointing at had been chipped. Joey picked up the rifle with both hands and pointed it at a tree. He pulled his finger back and the gun fired. A bit of bark exploded off the tree. Joey had figured it out. He could now project death and pain.

***

The other monkeys eventually climbed back up the cliff. When they got back to the clearing they found Joey and Bobby sitting beside a tree grooming each other. On the ground next to them sat four guns.

Billy, the eldest monkey and leader of the troop walked up to the two. Joey and Bobby both stood up to show respect for their elder.

“Wha-cha got here?” Billy asked while eying the guns.

“We figured out the guns. We will be equals with the humans.” Joey’s pride was evident in his tone.

“Why you wanna be equal with da umans?”

“Well, maybe not equal. We’ll still be smarter and faster and stronger. Now we’ll also be able to protect ourselves.”

“Don’t think so. Ya gotta get rid of em.”

Joey was crushed. He had finally figured it out and now this old bastard wanted him to just walk away. Couldn’t he see what this meant? The troop would no longer have to run into the jungle when the humans approached. They would be able to stand up and say No More. They would be able to protect themselves and live in peace. No monkey would ever have to be afraid of another animal. Plus, when they went after the baby seals, the guns would make everything so much easier. Why couldn’t that old has-been monkey think of the baby seals?

The old monkey turned to walk away.

“I’m not getting rid of the guns.” Joey spoke in a low voice. He knew that by saying this he was challenging the authority of the old monkey.

The old monkey froze. He turned around and stared Joey down. “Ya gotta get rid of em. I says. Me. I da boss ere. Ya gotta do what I says. And I says dey gotta go. Dey gotta go.”

Joey didn’t flinch while the old money spoke to him. He just stood there and took the words. When Billy had finished the lecture Joey reached down and picked up a gun. He raised the barrel so it was pointing at Billy’s chest.

Billy said, “Ya ain’t gonna do it. Dey gots ta go.”

Joey jerked the trigger back. The bullet went wide and hit the elder in his shoulder. Billy yelled out in pain. No other monkey moved. This was the first time a monkey had shot another monkey. Joey immediately realized the mistake he had just made by bringing violence into the group. He released the gun and dropped to his knees.

“Please forgive me Zambuka! I am an ignorant monkey! I know not what I was doing. Please, please have mercy on me.”

***

That night was a mournful night for the monkeys. Joey and Bobby had separated themselves from the main group. It was getting late when Beth came by to visit the two.

“You did a bad thing, Joey. We aren’t sure if Billy’s gonna make it.” She wasn’t trying to scorn Joey. She was just telling him the facts.

“What do you mean? It was only a flesh wound. I saw it only hit his arm. Of course he’s going to live.”

“We put some leaves on the wound and it looked like it was going to heal ok. Then a few hours ago he started shaking and saying something under his breath. He was talking about the end of monkeys now that we have guns.” She let that hang in the air a few minutes before continuing. “Then he slipped into a coma twenty minutes ago. He has a fever and he’s in shock. I don’t know if he’s gonna make it.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

“That sucks? Did you just say, That sucks? What the hell’s wrong with you Joey Montifunalikabong? Maybe you didn’t just hear what I said. I said the monkey you just shot went into shock and is in a coma BECAUSE YOU JUST SHOT HIM!.”

“I said that sucks. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t un-shoot him and I don’t know anything about healing monkeys. What should I do? Should I go into exile? Should I shoot myself? I’ve been praying to Zambuka all night, but apparently that isn’t working.”

“I don’t know what you should do. I’m afraid of the fever. If he stays like that I think he might die. We put wet leaves on his head to try to cool him down. I’ve just never seen a monkey that hot before.”

“Oh. That really sucks.”

Beth hung her head in depressed frustration. “There is something that maybe you could do.”

“What? I’d do anything to fix this.”

“I hear the humans have some stuff you can eat that will make a fever go away. Something magical. Or maybe its just medicine. Either way, if we had some of the pills now we could give it to Billy. That might would make it work.”

“You want me to get some pills from the humans? I don’t know. That sounds kinda risky. Maybe we should just wait and see what happens.”

“I’ll tell you what’s gonna happen. You’ll sit here on your fat ass. Billy will die. I will take the biggest stick I can find and beat you like a baby seal. Then the troop will have lost two monkeys to monkicide. That sounds like a great solution. Your a genius. Maybe I’ll pin a medal to your dead body after I finish killing you!”

“We’re monkeys. We don’t have medals.”

Beth couldn’t take anymore. She slapped Joey and walked away.

Joey called out to his son. “Bobby! Come here. I need you to get ready for a trip.”

“Where are we going? Shouldn’t we stay here and help take care of Billy.”

“We have to go get some magic pills from the humans.”

“I thought you always told me to stay away from magic pills.”

“Those were drugs. This is different. This is medicine. Its good for you. But we have to go to the humans to get them.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

***** 4 *****

Maria was bringing water back to the village. She thought it was unfair that the boys got to go to the new school, but the girls had to do the village chores. The thing that really annoyed her was that she was smarter than any of the boys in school. Even the boys that were older than her. All they wanted to do was roll dice and drink whiskey.

Maria poured the water into the village well and started walking back to the river. She still needed to bring four more buckets of water back before she could start cooking dinner for the men. As she started to leave the well area she noticed something moving in the shadows. When she looked closer she recognized a monkey. “That’s strange.” she thought, “Monkeys don’t usually come into the village. I wonder what he’s doing here.”

Maria picked up a stick to chase the monkey away. Monkeys were dirty animals and this one would probably pee in the water she had just poured into the well. She yelled, “Stupid monkey. Go away!” as she charge the monkey.

The monkey just stood there. Maria was running right at him. The monkey raised a gun which he pointed at Maria’s chest.

“Dios Mio!” cried Maria. “That monkey has a gun!”

Maria dropped her stick and began to run away. She needed to find a strong boy to protect her.

***

Joey didn’t understand what the girl was saying. He did understand the stick she held in her arms. Apparently she understood the gun he was holding, because now she was running away. But that didn’t help Joey one bit. He needed to find the pills and get out of there. He hadn’t really thought very much about what he was going to do when he got to the village. He had just assumed that he would go into the village and there would be some pills. Now he was in the village, but there weren’t any pills to be had.

Joey looked around. One of the huts down the road had the door blocked off by a straw mat. There was smoke coming from behind the door. Joey went over to that hut, because he was curious just like his cousin, George. But if a man in a big yellow hat was on the other side of the door Joey was going to pop some caps in that fool’s ass. It had been fourteen years since that man took George away as a baby. George’s mother had never been the same.

As Joey pulled back the mat more smoke came out from the hut. The smoke smelled really strange, but Joey thought it was a pleasent smell. Inside the hut was a naked man sitting in front of a fire pit. There were red and yellow embers in the pit, but no flame. There was also no smoke coming from the pit. The smoke was coming from a pipe sitting next to the man. Joey walked up to the pit and sat opposite of the man. When he got closer he noticed the man was drooling on himself and there was a vacant look in his eyes.

The guy started talking to Joey, but he wasn’t speaking monkeze so Joey didn’t understand. Joey made a hand gesture of picking up a pill and putting it in his mouth. He really needed to get the pills and get back home. When Joey brought his hand up to his mouth the human began to nod and smile. Joey was encouraged so he began to make more hand gestures. He put a hand up to his forhead and pretended to be sick. Then he ate a imaginary pill and pretended to feel better. The human continued to nod and was starting to make some grunting noises. Joey felt the human must understand what he was saying so he held out his hand expecting to get the pills. The human looked puzzled at first. He started to nod his head and smile some more. He reached over and picked up the pipe. After taking a hit he handed the pipe to Joey.

Joey wasn’t sure what this was, but it wasn’t pills. Maybe it was a greeting ritual that humans did. Back home, the monkey just smelled each other’s butts when they first met. But humans are strange animals, so maybe this is how they did it. Joey put the pipe to his lips and inhaled. He thought his throat was on fire. Joey immediately dropped the pipe. He clutched his throat and began to cough. What the hell was this human trying to do to him? Joey grabbed his gun and pointed it at the human. The human just smiled and laughed. He was just sitting there laughing at him. Didn’t that human realize that there was a gun pointing at his chest? Just sitting there laughing. It was pretty funny. Joey had a gun pointed at the human and all he was doing was laughing. Joey started laughing. This was a good human. He understood that life is…something like a fun walk…when you’re walking and you feel good…and everything’s just so nice. Joey put his gun down and picked the pipe back up. He liked the human so he wanted to give him back the pipe. When Joey picked up the pipe the human started laughing really hard and fell over on his side. He was rocking back and forth and laughing as tears streamed down his cheeks. Apparently the human liked it when Joey had the pipe. Now he was making gestures at the pipe and Joey’s mouth. Joey took another hit. The room started to breath. In and out. In and out. Joey needed to get something. What was it? That’s right. Joey needed to get the pipe for an old monkey’s butt. In and out. In and out.

The human sat back up and said, “Hey man, you need to go easy on that thing.”

“Oh. Okay. I like this.”

“Go easy, it ain’t for amateurs.”

“Wait. Why do I understand what you are saying?”

“That’s the power of yantikwa. Thanks to Zambuka for giving it to us.”

“Hey. I didn’t know that humans knew about Zambuka.”

“Man, we know everything. Hey, why do you have a gun.”

“I needed it. I wanted to get something for an old monkey. Do you have an old monkey over there? I need a monkey for my pills.”

“Man, you’re gone.” The two started laughing again. “Hey, why don’t you give me back the pipe.”

“Ok.” Joey handed the gun to the human.

“Wow man. I’m not smoking this thing.” They laughed some more. “Don’t Bogart the pipe.”

“Oh yeah. Ok. Here you go.” Now Joey handed him the pipe. “Why did you come here.”

“Dude. This is my house. I live here.”

“Oh yeah. Ok.”

“Why did you come here?”

“I needed something from the humans. Something for an old man. No, a monkey for an old man. The man got hurt so he needs a monkey. There are pills there.”

“You need to talk to the doctor. He can give you some really good pills.”

“Where is the doctor?”

“Dude, you aren’t gonna believe this. I AM the doctor. Isn’t that awesome!”

“You said I need some pills for my old man. I shot a monkey.”

“You shot a monkey? Damn, I usually just spank my monkey.”

They laughed.

****** 6 ******

Early the next morning Joey gathered up the pills and his gun. His head was throbbing and the only thing he wanted was to go back to sleep. But he knew that the elder monkey’s life was in danger and he needed to get the pills back to the troop.

Joey left the hut and walked out into the village. The sun still hadn’t come up and all of the villagers were still in bed. As he walked by the village well Joey remembered how mean the girl had been by running at him with a stick. So Joey went to the well and peed in the water.

Joey found his son asleep in the same place he had left him. They went home and saved the old bastard monkey’s life. The freakin’ end.