The Right Shot was a little pool hall bar buried between a chain drug store and a discount coat warehouse. Thursday night was karaoke and there was an average looking blond singing I Hope You Dance. No one was dancing.

Sam walked in a little before seven. One of his friends had set him up to meet a girl for a blind date. Sam was one of the few people who actually didn’t mind getting set up on blind dates. He never put much faith into anything long term happening, but they were a fun way to kill the night. Tonight he was meeting Deloris. His friend had told him that she was a lot of fun and pretty cute to boot.

Sam scanned the bar. He liked being early, because it allowed him to get a nice spot at the bar. From his seat he would be able to cover the entrance. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a cute girl watching him out of the corner of her eye. Sam casually walked over and grabbed a stool two seats down from the girl. As he sat down the two looked at each other and smiled.

“Hi. Are you Deloris?” Sam asked.

“Nope, I’m Nicky. I guess that means you aren’t Cliff?” The disappointment was evident in her voice.

“No, just Sam.”

Nicky threw Sam a what-could-have-been smile and went back to her drink. Sam ordered himself one and waited. Every little while he glanced over at her. He thought to himself that she looked like such a nice girl. The kind of girl he would want to date. If they weren’t both waiting for someone else.

The door to the bar opened and in walked a girl. Sam was shocked. His first impression of the girl was that God was playing a practical joke on her. In general she was short, fat and ugly, almost to the point of repulsiveness. Sam was worried. Maybe God wasn’t playing the practical joke on the girl as much as on the people who had to be around her. Her greasy hair had been sheered down to a buzz cut then died with pink and puke green stripes. On closer examination Sam was terrified. This girl was not the work of any loving God; she wore Satan’s signature of cruelty all over her body. It wasn’t just the way the girl looked. It was also the air she carried with her. Not only was she disgusted with life, but the whole of existence seemed to be disgusted with her.

After a quick glare at the bar, the girl snarled and walked straight to the rest room. Sam looked over to see Nicky grinning at him.

“Looks like love at first sight.” she said.

Sam looked at her and shook his head. “That’s not nice. I’m sure she has a wonderful personality.”

Nicky started to laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure all neo-Nazi lesbian skinheads are really nice people deep down once you get past all the evil and hatred. I think you should smack whichever friend of yours set you up on this date.”

“Lets not jump to conclusions. Maybe that isn’t Deloris. Maybe it’s Cliff.” He knew he was pulling at straws, but at least he was having fun talking to Nicky.

“Nope. I’ve got it on good sources that Cliff is an athlete. And a guy. I’m pretty sure whatever just walked in the door was a chick. If you run now you might be able to get out before it comes back. I can cause a distraction if you want.”

“You’re too kind.”

As Sam and Nicky were talking a well built young man walked up to the bar. His dirty blond hair was cut in the preppy fashionable style that everyone gets. The difference was that the haircut looked really good on him. That wasn’t the only thing that looked good. He was wearing a white short sleeved t-shirt. It wasn’t a wife beater and didn’t give the impression of white trash. It didn’t give an impression at all, it merely sat there and accented the muscles stretching out underneath it.

The man walked right up to Nicky. She was taken back by his dashingly good looks and enthralled by the air in which he held himself. When he got to the bar he positioned himself between Sam and Nicky. While facing Nicky he glanced over his shoulder at Sam and smirked.

Turning back he said, “Hey. I’m Cliff. You Nicky?” His voice was as strong and confident as the rest of his body.

“Yes. It’s nice to meet you Cliff.” Sam thought Nicky sounded like she was just about ready to melt off her chair and form a pool of desire at Cliff’s feet.

Sam eyed the man up and down then turned back to his beer. He thought to himself that it looked like Nicky was in for a good night. Since Deloris was still in the john, Sam decided to listen in on Nicky and Cliff.

“Kent told me you were good looking. I’m glad he didn’t lie this time. You aren’t really hot, but you’re cute. I can work with that. Yeah babe, I can work with that.” he said while not-so-slowly undressing her with his eyes.

“Ummm, geee….thanks, I guess.” It sounded like the puddle of desire was starting to chill out a bit. Inside Sam was just a little bit happy that Nicky’s date wasn’t the Superman he appeared to be at first. He knew it was wrong to be happy at other people’s misery, but he also knew he wasn’t in the running for sainthood this lifetime so it didn’t really bother him too much.

“Yeah, I usually limit myself to dancers and other athletes.” Cliff continued, “I can tell that you don’t really exercise as much as you should. But you’re cute, so I’ll let you take a ride on the Cliff train and see how you handle yourself.”

Sam nearly choaked on his beer. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. More than anything, he was amazed that Cliff could get away with saying this to a complete stranger. He glanced over at Nicky and immediately saw that Cliff wasn’t getting away with anything. Nicky had quit smiling. Her eyes were squinted, as if she was trying to burn a hole into Cliff’s soul using pure anger. The puddle of desire was now a solid block of frozen rejection. Sam threw her a weak smile and shrugged his shoulders.

Suddenly someone hit Sam’s shoulder from behind.

“HEY! You’re Sam aren’t you.” someone growled behind him. It wasn’t a question. It was an accusation. Sam thought it sounded like a girl’s voice, but he wasn’t positive. Maybe a girl that ate gravel and glass.

Sam spun around. He immediately regretted that move because now he was face to face with the skin head girl from the bathroom.

“You are Sam.” she said. She sounded pissed and Sam’s shoulder still stung a little. “God, you look like such a looser. No wonder you can’t get any real dates. Don’t you know you’re supposed to wear a tie on your first date? Christ, you aren’t even wearing a button up shirt. What type of girl were you expecting to meet? I’m not a slut, so if you want to be with me then you really need to start putting some effort into this relationship.”

Sam was pretty shocked. He wasn’t expecting much when he figured out who Deloris was. He definitely wasn’t expecting to have ‘relationship’ problems before he even had a chance to say hi.

“Hi. I guess you’re Deloris. Nice to meet you. I guess.”

“I’m not a cheap slut that you can just pick up one night and bang. You’ve really got a bad attitude about us. I’m not even sure I want to see you anymore.”

Sam was puzzled. Did he just get dumped? He wanted to tell Deloris that he was fine with ending their relationship. It had lasted less than two minutes, but Sam still thought he had wasted too much of his life in it. Instead of saying anything, Sam quietly turned around and went back to drinking his beer. He noticed that Nicky and Cliff had turned and were both watching them. Cliff looked like he was enjoying the show, while Nicky sat there eyes wide open and slowly shaking her head back and forth.

Cliff turned back to Nicky. “What a putz.” he said while flashing his oh-so-white-and-straight-they-could-be-in-the-movies teeth.

“Actually, I think that’s my date tonight. I think there might have been some kind of misunderstanding here between you and me.” She said this while flashing her own I’m-only-being-nice-because-I-don’t-know-you-well-enough-to-tell-you-to-Go-To-Hell smile. She turned to Sam and asked, “You want to get out of here?”

Sam didn’t need to be asked twice. Even if this new date only lasted as long as it took the two of them to safely get outside it would have lasted longer than his last date. Probably be more fun too.

******************

Once they got outside the two decided to head to The Ranch. This was the newest and hotest dance club in town. The music was always too loud, the people were never friendly, the cover was way too expensive and the service just out right sucked. Individually these qualities would have made for a horrible place to hang out. When they were combined it created the coolest place to be.

Normally they would have had to spend most of the night waiting in line to get in, but Nicky knew a few of the bouncers so they were able to get in without having to endure the masses. They wanted to get a table on the side furthest away from the dance floor speakers, but it was immediately obvious that wasn’t going to happen. In the end they decided to stradle the dance floor. Nicky danced. Sam did something, but no one could really say exactly what it was he was doing.

Suddenly Sam froze. No, this can’t be happening. Ten feet away two people were grinding their hips together on the dance floor. Sam stared in shock. As they undulated the dancers caressed each other with whatever body part was available at the time. Hands, legs, mouths, tongues were entertwined in an alcohol induced lust.

Nicky followed his stare. “Looks like they really know how to dance. You shouldn’t stare, it’ll draw attention to you. After seeing you dance, I don’t think that’s a wise path to walk.”

“I need to get some air.” With that Sam turned and stumbled off the dance floor towards the back of the room.

Nicky chased after him. “Hey wait! Are you OK? You aren’t that bad a dancer.”

Sam had just seen his ex-girlfriend Miranda dancing with his best friend Scott. Make that former best friend. The former best friend who had set him up on the date with Deloris. Now that he saw the two of them dancing together he remembered that Miranda used to complain about this wacko girl one of her friends was rooming with, who just happened to be named Deloris. When he told this to Nicky her eyes lit up.

“We’ve got to get them!” she exclaimed.

“Get them? What do you mean.”

“We’ve got to do something to get even with them. Like pull their fingernails out or set their hair on fire. Or force them to spend time with that girl I saved you from.”

For the first time that night Sam thought that maybe Nicky wasn’t perfect. She seemed to really want to get revenge on two people she didn’t even know. Then Sam thought about Delorise, and realized that Nicky was right. Those two had to pay.

Nicky continued, “Tell me something good about Scott. Something that only his lovers would know.”

Sam was immediately on the defence. “Yeah, about that. See, I wouldn’t know. We were best friends and all, but we weren’t friends in that sense. There was absolutely no benefits being granted in our relationship. Strictly platonic, no swordfighting at all.”

“Grow up. Tell me some quark or something about him that no one else knows. There has to be something you know about him. Does he read strange books about serial killers? Does he use children’s toothpaste? There has to be something you know.”

Sam felt like he was betraying his friend. But then, Scott had just set him up with a freak while he was out dancing with the girl who had confessed eternal love to Sam the night before dumping him. Scott definitely deserved this, whatever this ended up being.

“He sings in his sleep.”

“What?!? You’ve got to be kidding! He actually sings while he sleeps? That’s so weird.”

“Yeah. He sings Broadway songs like Memories and stuff like that.”

Nicky burst out laughing.

Sam continued, “Actually, he’s pretty good. Considering he’s asleep and everything. It isn’t going to make him famous or anything, but he keeps his pitch rather well. You could set your watch to his timing. The only thing is that it’s real quite, because he doesn’t breath properly. I beat…”

“Ok. Calm down, loverboy,” Nicky interupted. “That’ll work just great. You wait here, and don’t let them see you.”

“What are you planning to do?”

Nicky’s face suddenly appeared evil. “Revenge, sweet revenge.”

Sam made his way to a dark spot next to the wall. From there he could see the spot on the dance floor where Scott and Miranda were trying to polish each other’s hips. As he watched he saw Nicky walk up to the two of them. She was holding a drink in her hand. When she got to the dancers she just stood there and with an evil stare focused at Scott. Eventually Miranda noticed Nicky and stopped grinding on Scott. As soon as they stopped dancing Nicky threw her drink in Miranda’s face, slapped Scott, said something that Sam couldn’t hear, slapped Scott again, then stormed off the dance floor. Sam watched as Miranda yelled something at Scott. When Scott couldn’t come up with a good enough response Miranda slapped him and ran off. It looked like she was crying. It also looked like Scott didn’t know what just happened to him.

Sam was about to explode with curiousity by the time Nicky made her way back to him.

“What did you say to him?”

“Did you like the drink bit? I thought it really added to the fireworks. Definately worth the five bucks.”

“Yeah, the drink was great. But what did you say to Scott? Miranda slapped him after you left. Then she ran away. You’ve got to tell me what you said.”

“I just broke up with him for cheating on me with Miranda. The part about singing in his sleep made it real. Now let’s get out of here before they see us together.”

Sam was delighted with Nicky. So far tonight had been the best night he’d had in a long time. He had met a great girl. She didn’t laugh at his dancing and she helped him get even with his traitor friends. What Scott did had hurt him, but he felt the trade off was worth it. Nicky was perfect.

“OK. Where do you wanna go?” he said. He decided that he would go anywhere with her.

“I know this really cool place a few blocks away. Its a cafe right next to a waterfall.”

“Umm, I didn’t know there were any waterfalls in the city. Do unicorns prance around while goat men play magical tunes on the pan flute.”

“Not a real waterfall smartass. It’s part of a building. Some business building or something. But there is a waterfall. It’s a three story waterfall that just falls into the ground. No puddles or anything, just a few grates and it doesn’t even cause a splash.”

“Sounds neat. Let’s go.”

********************

They were sitting at the cafe. Sure enough, falling into the ground twenty feet away there was a waterfall (sans unicorns and goat men). On the way over they held hands as they laughed about what happened at The Ranch. Sam was still pissed with Scott for the betrayal, but that was far in the back of his mind right now. His attention was focused on this great new girl he had just found. And he did kinda have Scott to thank. Kinda.

Sam looked up over his coffee at Nicky. This was the type of girl you could really talk to. She was smart and funny. He didn’t think she would judge him. No, she would judge him alright, but he felt the judgement would be fair and that’s all a guy could really ask for. He asked her, “Do you ever talk to yourself?”

Nicky waited a few seconds before answering. A giant smile worked it’s way onto her face. “Yeah, sure. I think everyone does.” She paused and playfully bit her lower lip. “You just aren’t supposed to answer yourself. That means you’re crazy if you answer yourself.”

“Oh.” He said this as if he had just been informed that he had accidentally destroyed an old folks home.

Nicky’s smile got a little bigger. “You answer yourself, don’t you?”

“Well, every now and then I guess. It just seems rude to not answer when someone is trying to start up a conversation. The only people you ignore are crazy people. I didn’t think I was crazy, so I started answering myself. I got some pretty deep and meaningful conversations from myself over the years.”

Nicky started laughing. “Years? What do you talk to yourself about?”

Sam suddenly got serious. Nicky laughed a little harder, which wasn’t the reaction Sam was looking for. He felt that he really needed to impress her with this answer. “Oh, real deep stuff. Stuff that philosophers only dream about. You know, big stuff like that.”

That had the right effect. Nicky stopped laughing and asked, “Like the purpose of life? Why are we here? Stuff like that?” Nicky had turned serious just as suddenly as Sam had.

Her seriousness scared Sam. He knew he was in over his head. He put his trust in God and said the first thing that came to mind. “Food. Umm, I mean my discussions are more along the lines of what’s for dinner.” He paused. This gave him a chance to mentally slap himself for such a stupid answer. “But I guess it would be possible to talk about the purpose of life every now and then. If I wasn’t hungry.”

Nicky looked deep into his eyes with acceptance and trust. Then she smiled.